Giving

So, it’s confirmed…I am a giver. I recently took an Enneagram test. The Enneagram is a personality system through which we can identify how we engage with others to get what we want and need and how our emotions drive our lives. There are 5 personality types within the system, each with their own opportunities for personal growth as well as strengths and weaknesses. According to the model, by identifying our personality type we can understand more about what motivates us on a deeper level and cultivate an understanding of what paths to take in order to support our pathway to self-actualisation.

I’ll be honest, this stuff is new to me, but I have to say that I was very unsurprised by my result…Type 2: Giver.

Realistically, I didn’t really need a test to tell me. I remember at secondary school (high school to my US friends) telling me that I was bound to be let down by people because I give so much more than most and that it’s unlikely to be reciprocated in the same way by most. I remember finding this so curious - I wasn’t trying to be like that, it just was in my nature and I couldn’t quite understand how that wasn’t the same for others. And she was right, in a way that I couldn’t expect that of others. Now while I always just thought this was a part of me, and a part that I was happy to own, the more I read about the details and the background of the givers’ traits, the more I peeled back some layers for myself.

According to my test report “Twos have a deep-seated fear that they are unlovable. Their coping strategy is to give, and make themselves indispensable to others, so that others will deem them worthy of affection. Twos cannot stand having no one who needs them, as being needed feeds directly into their sense of self-worth.”

WOW - ok then! Looks like I’ve got some big questions to ask myself. And this is what I love about this sort of thing - just when I was getting comfy in my giver identity, I found a mirror to hold up to myself with some sticky questions to explore. Self-actualisation is not easy or comfortable at times....but then I guess no one said it would be!

Besides all the trigger points raised in my report, there were a few things that stood out and lead to some ‘Aha’ moments for me as a Type 2 which were mainly identified in this paragraph:

“Twos struggle to recognise their own needs and they do not like to ask for help. There’s a tendency for Twos to spend so much time looking after others that they forget to take care of themselves. In fact, Twos can go into complete denial about their own wants and desires. They often experience boundary issues, where they find themselves doing things they do not necessarily want to do in order to be indispensable to others. Most Twos have trouble saying ‘no.’”

Yep. That’s me all over.

And so here I am, talking about giving. Because ‘tis the season after all. If you are looking to give someone a gift then make sure you check out my conscious gift market with beautifully created gifts for your loved ones (or yourself). And then head to The Practice, where this month is all about giving YOURSELF the gift of deep rest, slowing down, presence, stillness, and gratitude. Because whether or not you are a ‘Giver’, the chances are you are not giving yourself enough of any of those. So this is a gift from me to you and I hope that you enjoy the classes this month.

If you are interested in taking the enneagram test, you can do so here. The link is an affiliate link with Truity.com. This means that, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and purchase an assessment. Please note, I am not affiliated with Truity professionally but really loved the test when I chose to do it myself (which I paid for in full) and thought you might like it too!